Retirement is one of the biggest life changes any of us will go through. One day there is a diary full of meetings, colleagues, deadlines and purpose. The next, there isn’t. And while that freedom is something many people look forward to, it can also feel unexpectedly disorientating.
One of the things we talk about a lot with our clients is the difference between loneliness and solitude — because they are not the same thing at all, even though they can look identical from the outside.
Solitude is chosen. It is the pleasure of a quiet morning with a good book, a solo walk, an afternoon in the garden. It is restorative and enjoyable, and many people find they need more of it as they get older, not less. Loneliness, on the other hand, is not chosen. It is the absence of connection that you didn’t ask for and don’t want. It can creep up slowly, particularly in the first year or two of retirement, when the social scaffolding that work provided simply isn’t there anymore.
The risk is that the two get confused — either by the person experiencing them, or by the people around them. Someone who seems content and self-sufficient may actually be struggling. And someone who appears to be alone may be perfectly happy.
This is why being busy in retirement — genuinely, purposefully busy — matters so much. Not rushed-off-your-feet busy, but busy in a way that gives structure to the week, brings you into contact with other people, and gives you something to look forward to. A regular volunteering commitment, a class, a club, a part-time role, a standing lunch with a friend. These things are not luxuries. For many people they are genuinely important for their wellbeing.
The research on this is clear: older people who maintain strong social connections tend to be healthier, sharper, and happier than those who become isolated. It really is that significant.
So if you are approaching retirement, or if you are already there and finding it harder than you expected, it is worth being intentional about how you fill your time.
Don’t wait for the diary to fill itself. Plan things in, treat them as commitments, and don’t cancel them. The structure you build for yourself in retirement is every bit as important as the one that work used to provide for you.
And if you are in a care home, or have a friend or relative that is and you think they are lonely, then why not have a look at Adopt A Grandparent who wrote our guest blog last month?